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The Great Cloud of Witnesses

Leave a Comment / Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines, The Missional Church / By /

The daily radiation treatment has become a quiet time for me, albeit a short, disciplined pause in my morning. Because I must lie very still and relax in an awkward position held in my custom-made cradle, I have found it helpful and even entertaining to let my “holy imagination” roam for those precious twelve minutes or so. Yesterday, my thoughts drifted to the “men [and women] behind the curtain.” I gave thanks to God first of all for the technicians in their cockpit behind that 3-foot lead wall, pushing the buttons and running the computer program that governs the radiation […]

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Finding the Well

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines / By /

The two daughters and son-in-law are now safely returned to their homes in Seattle. It was a fantastic 4½-day visit over Thanksgiving weekend. Lots of good-natured chaos, meaningful conversations, problem-solving, family activities, picture-taking, movies, food of course, and messes everywhere. Ah yes, the perfect family get-together. I discovered by happenstance that it is a lot harder to monitor one’s physical condition with all that noise, activity, and distraction. I found myself on occasion ready to “crash,” having missed the warning signals of whatever would have gotten me back in my recliner for a rest. No harm done, really; but for

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Essential Identity

Leave a Comment / Essential Tenets of the Reformed Faith, Lung Cancer, PCUSA, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

The social situations of Thanksgiving week, not to mention the daily high-quality conversations with rotating home helpers, have caused me once again to reflect on some of the assumptions we make in life.  In particular this week, the question is How do I see myself, my essential identity, in light of what has been happening lately? The references to “my friend with cancer,” “she’s a fellow cancer victim,” and other designations that define me (or others) by our ailment have been bothering me a bit. I think I newly appreciate one of the sensitivities my husband has demonstrated for years.

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Dreams of Healing

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After a weekend of mundane challenges, I’ve had two very positive days and am feeling fine today. Yesterday was my last chemotherapy of “Round 1,” so I have a rest from those particular rigors until December 16. Daily radiation keeps up the attack on the Beast, a foreigner that is doomed. It should just give up now. I had quite a night though—profuse sweating at times, vivid dreams, no sickness whatsoever, and actually pretty darn good sleep despite all the activity. The medical explanation for the night sweats is probably that super-duper steroid they give me with the chemo. I

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Taste and See That the Lord Is Good!

Leave a Comment / Essential Tenets of the Reformed Faith, Food, Lung Cancer, Personal, Sermon Illustrations, Spiritual Disciplines, Theological Reflection, Uncategorized / By /

I have often said that God’s biggest competition in my life was food. Of the seven deadly sins, gluttony has been at the top of the list too many times. So you can imagine how I anticipate the possibility of losing taste while undergoing chemotherapy with Cisplatin. Any medicine with the word “platinum” in the name can’t be good for a foodie like me. I have been wondering when this taste bud transformation would take place, because it hasn’t yet on Day 9 of treatment. Tonight, I celebrated that fact by enjoying the perfect dinner a friend brought to our

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A VAP and the Flow of the Spirit

Leave a Comment / It All Started in the Garden, Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Sermon Illustrations, Theological Reflection, Uncategorized / By /

Two weeks ago, I had a Vein Access Port (VAP) surgically installed just below my left front shoulder. Its purpose is to provide reliable access to a central vein for the infusion of chemotherapy. It is imbedded completely under the skin, minimizing infection possibilities and making very efficient use of a durable “drum” pierced by the IV needle every day. And it saves those veins in the arms and hands, which are not always the most comfortable sites for such an intrusion. You can imagine how important it is to keep my VAP channel clear. At the end of each

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To Live Is Christ, To Die Is Gain!

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, PCUSA, Personal, The Pastoral Call, Theological Reflection / By /

The news of the Rev. Dr. Henry Greene’s death has silenced me in shock and awe. My dear friend and colleague in renewal work within the PC(USA) died suddenly on Monday, while doing what he loved, hiking in Yosemite National Park. Henry was the real deal, a genuine to-the-core Christian who lived for Christ in all he did. I could devote this entire post as a tribute to him (and may still at a later date), but he would be embarrassed by that and would find a way to shift the focus onto his Lord. So that is what I

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Thinking Outside the Chemo Cubicle

Leave a Comment / Lung Cancer, Personal, Romans 8, The Missional Church, The Pastoral Call / By /

Yesterday was my first day of the full-treatment protocol: radiation at 8:40 a.m. and a lengthy chemotherapy infusion starting at 9:15 a.m. All in all, it was a very good day, surprising even, and you can read the medical details on my log if you’d like. I promised I wouldn’t bore my blog readers with the techie stuff here, and I won’t. However, they will appreciate more what I share here if they understand the backdrop of consulting nurses, fiddling with devices, observing possible side effects, measuring renal output, and learning how to operate that cool recliner. When I arrived

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Slaying the Beast

Leave a Comment / It All Started in the Garden, Lung Cancer, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

Four weeks ago today my doctor told me there was a mass in my upper left lung. Two weeks ago it was identified as a cancerous tumor. In the effort to get my head around this new reality, I have occasionally referred to this tumor as “the beast” and written in terms of slaying it. This is mythical battle language, a genre I am not accustomed to using. Nevertheless, the image sticks in my mind, because there is a foundation of truth underneath it. Unlike Don Quixote, whose imagination led him to believe he was being attacked by giants, I

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Resting in Uselessness

Leave a Comment / It All Started in the Garden, Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Uncategorized / By /

Two days of radiation, before chemo gets started on Monday, have me thinking about what is required of me in the radiology oncology department. My sole job is to lie down on the table in the middle of a large room, put my arms up over my head into a custom-made cradle, allow the technicians to position me exactly in line with the lasers seeking out minute tattoos on my body, and then remain still for fifteen minutes. That’s it. No reading, no iPod, no talking . . . just be still and take regular shallow breaths so my tumor

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