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Denial of Death Gets Us Nowhere

5 Comments / Death & Dying, It All Started in the Garden, Lung Cancer, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

Ernest Becker wrote a Pulitzer Prize winning book call The Denial of Death in 1973. I was required to read it in seminary, and its basic message has stuck with me all these years. I am re-reading it now, and finding it more accessible than ever, given my current lung cancer situation. His basic thesis is that all humans have in common a fear of death, and that controlling this anxiety is one of the most powerful motivators of human behavior. This fear is so terrifying that people “conspire to keep it unconscious,” and replace it with conscious, persistent efforts […]

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The Five Stages of Grief

Leave a Comment / Death & Dying, Personal, The Pastoral Call, Uncategorized / By /

The reality of death has to sink in, and this is a process we undergo as events and realities trigger the question. I share what has been to me some of the most helpful insights into this process, with the hope that you can be encouraged in your own struggle to find acceptance of your own death (or perhaps in the interim, the death of a loved one). During the 1960s a Swiss psychiatrist working at the University of Chicago hospital observed a progression of emotions experienced by dying patients.  Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D., conducted seminars in which the dying

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The Subject Turns to Death

12 Comments / Death & Dying, It All Started in the Garden, Lung Cancer, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

One does not encounter a diagnosis of cancer without at some point thinking about where it might lead. I’m talking about death, and my thoughts drifted in that direction around Christmas time when it wasn’t appropriate to write about it. But the time has come to address an issue that cannot be avoided, because we will all face this reality some time. First, though, let me reassure you of some things:  my thoughts are not turning morbid, nor am I in any doubt about the course of my treatment. Nothing has “happened,” per se, to get me thinking about death

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The Law of Love in Missional Endeavor

2 Comments / Lung Cancer, PCUSA, Personal, The Missional Church / By /

After two good weeks of being on my own between chemotherapy rounds— lonesome for the stimulation of daily conversation with care-giving friends—yesterday at the start of Round 3 my day was full of interesting dialogue. I find myself “rehearsing” my blog topics and get the most interesting feedback!  We’ve been talking about a missional mindset and its implications for evangelism and outreach at the personal level. My last two posts (here and here) explored our mission field of the religiously allergic and our own reticence to take risks in order to convey the gospel to them. Today, I would like

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Suppressed Immunities

Leave a Comment / Lung Cancer, PCUSA, Personal, Teaching, The Missional Church, Uncategorized / By /

As my blood counts sink lower, my immunity to “normal” disease and viruses diminishes. Yesterday’s trip to the nurse practitioner for my periodic check-up assessed my vulnerability, which turns out not to be too bad yet. The numbers of white blood cells and hemoglobin are going down, suggesting caution, but this is normal and par for the course. It shows the chemotherapy is doing its job. The advice was, Go ahead to the Aquarium because it is not packed with people and is a wide-open space. But now would be the time to avoid packed-like-sardines scenarios (I translate that to

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Spurring One Another On

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines, The Missional Church, The Pastoral Call / By /

Cancer treatment varies depending on the type and stage of one’s particular disease. The protocols tend to be repetitive and cyclical. In my case, chemotherapy runs on a four-week cycle:  one week plus one day “on,” and the remainder of the four weeks “off,” recovering. By the time Week Four rolls around, I am feeling pretty good, almost normal! This is one of those weeks, and I am getting a lot of things done around the house as a result. I’ve been through two complete rounds, and Round Three of chemo begins next Monday. I can pretty much plan on

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The Twelfth Day of Christmas: Magi Bearing Gifts

4 Comments / "The Bible" on History Channel, Christmas, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines / By /

[Yes, my friends, I have been aware for some time now that I started counting my twelve days of Christmas on the wrong day, the day after Christmas. Technically today is the first day of the season of Epiphany, not the last day of Christmastide. So humor me while I pretend that the visit of the wise men is the climax of the Christmas season. I’ll do better next year!] This twelfth day of Christmastide is a special day on my personal calendar. Eighteen years ago on this date my father died suddenly of a cerebral hemorrhage. At the time,

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The Eleventh Day of Christmas: Wise Men Curious about That Star

5 Comments / Christmas, Lung Cancer, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

A couple weeks ago, I had a big decision to make about my cancer treatment: whether to continue radiation to a definitive level (60 Gray) and forgo surgery, or to consider radiation “done” at its current pre-operative level (45 Gray) and plan on lung surgery. I opted for the latter and am preparing for one more round of chemo to be followed by surgery to remove the dying Beast and the lobe it inhabits at the end of February. The decision-making process was facilitated by a chart I worked out, with options and their benefits and risks.  You can see

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The Tenth Day of Christmas: Two Old Saints Made Happy

4 Comments / Christmas, Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines, Uncategorized / By /

Every once in awhile, especially at night, a thought crosses my mind that perhaps I am living the last year or two of my life. I try not to think about this too much, not because I am in denial about the dangers of my disease, but because it gets me in a place that is counterproductive. I’ll be writing more about this after Christmastide is over. But it does raise the concept of a “bucket list,” a term coined by a 2007 movie of that name, staring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. These two hospital roommates bust out of

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Ninth Day of Christmas: A Sign Seals Covenant

3 Comments / Christmas, Essential Tenets of the Reformed Faith, Lent, Lung Cancer, PCUSA, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

When I found out it was lung cancer that was making me sick, a friend from church wrote a sweet note saying, “Welcome to the club nobody wants to join.” In the ensuing days and weeks, others who have traveled this road have come to my attention, sharing from their experiences and welcoming me into a community of people with survivor instincts. Their words of advice and comfort have been particularly meaningful to me. I have also discovered in this process that milestones must be celebrated with some kind of ritual, just for fun, yes, but to mark progress and

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