Lung Cancer

Waiting to Die, or Living to Death?

Several years ago, on the occasion of her 80th birthday, a parishioner intimated that she was the longest living member of her family at that age. Her vision of her life had not extended past that point, as every single one of her forebears had died early and suddenly or, in one case after a long illness at age 72. Since she did not know what to do with life after 80, and had no inclination to reinvent herself, it appeared to me that she was simply marking time and waiting to die. At the time, she was in perfect […]

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Prepare to Die—Part III

For the last several days, we have been considering the process of dying and death itself, trying to push through our denial of our mortality. I have been enriched by your comments and candid reflections on the topic, realizing January is a busy month and death is probably not your first-choice topic! Yesterday was an amazing day for me, with death absolutely not on my radar screen. After a lousy weekend, I was feeling so good by yesterday, I spent virtually the entire day on the phone, doing “work”! I even had energy left to go to our small group

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Prepare to Die—Part II

Can’t help but start today’s post with the most famous quotation from Princess Bride (with heavy Spanish accent): “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” He gives that warning several times in the classic movie, enough for the viewer to know that nobody is actually going to die any time soon. But the line cracks my funny bone. I am serious today, however, when I say, “Prepare to die.” I am going to die. You are going to die. It may not be anytime soon . . . [Just for the record, my progress

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Prepare to Die—Part I

An interesting article appeared in Sunday’s Contra Costa Times in the “Your Life” section of the paper, entitled “Coffee, cake & grave conversation.” It described a Death Café, a hosted conversation about death and grief in Santa Cruz, California (one among many in California). The group’s purpose is to formalize discussions “to help ease the anxiety around death and dying.” As I read the article, it appears that the intended benefit is spiritual and practical, as people share and learn about various burial options, celebratory rituals, and advanced directives. It reminds me of a series of adult classes we used

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From This Life to the Next

Yesterday’s post relied heavily on Tom Wright’s formulation of what happens when we die. In an attempt to gather all the data, he has come to the tentative conclusion (not having been there himself) that our entry into eternal life happens in stages, and that “eternity” itself—existence outside the parameters of time—actually doesn’t start until Jesus returns in glory to judge the living and the dead. In other words, life after death involves waiting. Mind you, one is waiting in a “good place,” paradise, but the culmination of God’s cosmic history is still in the making. This period of waiting

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Dying and Death Is a Transition

In my contemplation of death, my own and yours—both happening some time in the future, today or decades from now—I have been grappling with the question of why it is hard to die, and we will come back to this in a day or two. We struggle through a process of grief, starting with denial of death itself. Today, I’d like to examine what we have been trying to avoid our whole lives, what is going on when we die. The topic is huge, so I start today with biblical input and some interpretation from N. T. Wright. Tomorrow, we’ll

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Denial of Death Gets Us Nowhere

Ernest Becker wrote a Pulitzer Prize winning book call The Denial of Death in 1973. I was required to read it in seminary, and its basic message has stuck with me all these years. I am re-reading it now, and finding it more accessible than ever, given my current lung cancer situation. His basic thesis is that all humans have in common a fear of death, and that controlling this anxiety is one of the most powerful motivators of human behavior. This fear is so terrifying that people “conspire to keep it unconscious,” and replace it with conscious, persistent efforts

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The Subject Turns to Death

One does not encounter a diagnosis of cancer without at some point thinking about where it might lead. I’m talking about death, and my thoughts drifted in that direction around Christmas time when it wasn’t appropriate to write about it. But the time has come to address an issue that cannot be avoided, because we will all face this reality some time. First, though, let me reassure you of some things:  my thoughts are not turning morbid, nor am I in any doubt about the course of my treatment. Nothing has “happened,” per se, to get me thinking about death

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The Law of Love in Missional Endeavor

After two good weeks of being on my own between chemotherapy rounds— lonesome for the stimulation of daily conversation with care-giving friends—yesterday at the start of Round 3 my day was full of interesting dialogue. I find myself “rehearsing” my blog topics and get the most interesting feedback!  We’ve been talking about a missional mindset and its implications for evangelism and outreach at the personal level. My last two posts (here and here) explored our mission field of the religiously allergic and our own reticence to take risks in order to convey the gospel to them. Today, I would like

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Suppressed Immunities

As my blood counts sink lower, my immunity to “normal” disease and viruses diminishes. Yesterday’s trip to the nurse practitioner for my periodic check-up assessed my vulnerability, which turns out not to be too bad yet. The numbers of white blood cells and hemoglobin are going down, suggesting caution, but this is normal and par for the course. It shows the chemotherapy is doing its job. The advice was, Go ahead to the Aquarium because it is not packed with people and is a wide-open space. But now would be the time to avoid packed-like-sardines scenarios (I translate that to

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