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“You’ve Got a Friend”

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, The Pastoral Call / By /

It was inevitable and necessary that I shave off my locks, to cut short the mess and discomfort of a tingly head and hairy shirt collars. When I told my friends the plan, one of them, Sandi, piped up, “I will shave my head, too. What time should I come over?” Astounded at the idea, and concerned for her welfare in winter, I tried to talk her out of it, but she was resolute. So at 8 p.m. last night, Sandi and Jim came cheerfully knocking at our door, and out came the hair clippers. By 9:30 we were both […]

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Making Things Happen vs. Letting Things Happen

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, The Pastoral Call / By /

Right on schedule, my hair started falling out this week in response to the chemotherapy onslaught. Once again, I experienced that loss of control over something as simple as grooming. It has not been upsetting—how I thank the wonderful staff at the cancer center for good preparation—in fact, I broke out in laughter as hair cascaded down my back in the shower. It was as if I were washing away my mane; what an exercise in futility! There are all sorts of directions I could go with this, but I think today I am going to reflect on a concept

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Serendipity

Leave a Comment / Lung Cancer, PCUSA, Peace Unity & Purity, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

Yesterday, I contemplated the collateral damage that accompanies treatment for cancer, those negative consequences of an action meant to do good. Today, to look on the bright side, we are invited to think about serendipity: the finding of valuable or agreeable things not sought for. A very famous case of serendipity was when the 3M Company, formulating a new adhesive and encountering one failure after another, discovered the compound that became the temporary glue behind the Post-It Note. That discovery was a serendipity! Chemotherapy has had some surprising side-benefits: the steroid given to amp up the anti-nausea medicine has relieved

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Collateral Damage

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines, Theological Reflection, Uncategorized / By /

The treatment for a lung cancer like mine is aggressive and hard-hitting. In my case, it involves both chemotherapy and radiation, designed first to shrink the tumor to a size that can be excised safely and also to kill any rogue cells that might be tempted to migrate through my body to make more mischief. The medicines in my chemo infusions have a proven track record, and the treatment protocol between now and surgery is non-controversial. But the regimen is tough on the body because of a reality known as collateral damage. Collateral damage is the harm done to healthy

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Good News amidst “No Change”

Leave a Comment / Essential Tenets of the Reformed Faith, Lung Cancer, Personal, Romans 8, Spiritual Disciplines, Theological Reflection / By /

This week between chemo treatments has given my body a chance to recover from the chemical onslaught and I am amazed at how few side effects I am experiencing at this point. More energy has allowed me to participate in a few normal household pursuits; I even went to the grocery store on my own yesterday—Woo-hoo! Reminders of sickness are only an occasional cough and the fatigue that necessitates a nap. It’s interesting that as I feel better, Jesus feels somewhat distant and the sensation of walking in a “thin place” leaves me. That’s a topic for another day, but

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Thinking Outside the Pool

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines / By /

As yesterday progressed, I enjoyed more strength and energy than I have experienced in a few weeks. Feeling better surprised me! A sunny, lovely day beckoned me outside. In response to Andy’s request “if I was up to it,” I watered our orange trees as insurance against an expected overnight freeze. Two weeks ago, a slow stroll out to the fig tree was enough exercise to put me down for a nap afterwards. This week, I have been able to walk all the way around our block, almost ¾ mile, and still be functional afterwards. I am coughing very little

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The Great Cloud of Witnesses

Leave a Comment / Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines, The Missional Church / By /

The daily radiation treatment has become a quiet time for me, albeit a short, disciplined pause in my morning. Because I must lie very still and relax in an awkward position held in my custom-made cradle, I have found it helpful and even entertaining to let my “holy imagination” roam for those precious twelve minutes or so. Yesterday, my thoughts drifted to the “men [and women] behind the curtain.” I gave thanks to God first of all for the technicians in their cockpit behind that 3-foot lead wall, pushing the buttons and running the computer program that governs the radiation

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Finding the Well

Leave a Comment / Leadership and Spirituality, Lung Cancer, Personal, Spiritual Disciplines / By /

The two daughters and son-in-law are now safely returned to their homes in Seattle. It was a fantastic 4½-day visit over Thanksgiving weekend. Lots of good-natured chaos, meaningful conversations, problem-solving, family activities, picture-taking, movies, food of course, and messes everywhere. Ah yes, the perfect family get-together. I discovered by happenstance that it is a lot harder to monitor one’s physical condition with all that noise, activity, and distraction. I found myself on occasion ready to “crash,” having missed the warning signals of whatever would have gotten me back in my recliner for a rest. No harm done, really; but for

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Finding Joy

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Guest blogger today, my daughter Judy, visiting with her sister Katy and brother-in-law Doug from Seattle over the Thanksgiving weekend. She wanted you to read her perspective. I’m thankful. Yes, it’s the season to say so, but I truly am. Sunday: It’s 8:22am and my sister is playing songs from Godspell on the grand piano downstairs. She can’t keep away from it, like I can’t say no to Thanksgiving pie. (Her passion is much healthier, I think.) My brother-in-law may still have been asleep in the fold-out sofa bed right next to the piano when she started. I wonder whether

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Essential Identity

Leave a Comment / Essential Tenets of the Reformed Faith, Lung Cancer, PCUSA, Personal, Theological Reflection / By /

The social situations of Thanksgiving week, not to mention the daily high-quality conversations with rotating home helpers, have caused me once again to reflect on some of the assumptions we make in life.  In particular this week, the question is How do I see myself, my essential identity, in light of what has been happening lately? The references to “my friend with cancer,” “she’s a fellow cancer victim,” and other designations that define me (or others) by our ailment have been bothering me a bit. I think I newly appreciate one of the sensitivities my husband has demonstrated for years.

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